Have to begin this post by giving you some background about my family. We are a trio of dad, mom and me. Love has of course been the cornerstone of our family. I mean the unconditional yet filled with reality kind of love. Much of our time is spent in mundane living activities that get enriched just because the three of us involved give time to think.
That actually changed when mother also started working full-time last year. Of course, that father was the person who encouraged her the most is undeniable. I remember mother talking to me about how her work would need her to travel too. At that time, I recall wondering how father and I would gather our skills to keep our house bus rolling. I simply allowed time to take its chances and tried to forget the thought.
I need help with a lot of these mundane activities. My stims and impulses too give it more colour. The thinking is to figure out how best to do something without doing it in a way that is disrespectful to me and yet offers me support as may be needed. The usual way is that mother is the person always having my back in everything. So, father kept far and only had the major job of mostly nodding in agreement. He takes time to do research and that was how he helped mother to help me. Mother was the action hero or rather heroine.
The first-time mother travelled for work for more than three days was in April last year. Dad had a tough experience. Mother had listed out the smallest details to perfection quite like my visual schedule in the morning, talked to all who did sessions for me, the house support people, about everyone in some way connected with our mundane daily life was informed. The fun part was that still dad maybe was the person with the highest call history list over that one week between the two of them. I only watched with glee how the situation unfolded. I found father innovate when things backfired too. That of course had its positives too as some of father’s solutions were so much better than mother’s.
I did feel that at times the support dad provided became excess and every time I said no the situation became bad and father often felt sad and was lost. Of dad I have to mention we work the best together with non-speaking modes of communication. The use of typing is familiar but not something regularly used. I had always mostly typed to communicate with my mom and my teachers, rarely so with dad. Naturally that left dad and me greatly disconnected you would say.
Yes, ideas may indeed need words and language to be conveyed and speech too. One accentuates the other, but does communication always happen with these ways only?
The first time that mom travelled it was not the best of experiences. Like having to mime or act out to get dad to understand what I wanted to say. Most of the time though he just got it. Lots of funny moments too. The morning time was most exasperating and amusing really dad was not someone who could multitask.
Yes, after that for a first experience both dad and me have come way ahead in our joint effort to keep the house bus rolling when mom is out of station. We learned to have everything done in time for my class and for dad’s office. We connected through our bond of non-spoken communication. I learned to have dad know every time I needed help and also to do my bit to help him. My dad too learned to do stuff with me like going for a movie or a coffee with me and to begin playing Wordle with me. Our communication may feel limited to some of you but then you don’t always need so many words or speech to communicate.
The first time my mom told me she would have to travel, and that father and I would have to man the house together I had wondered how it would go. But now after more than a year of this experience I think it was good. Communication and connection between dad and me greatly flourished.
Silent movies can be great to watch too. Effective even in the absence of a talking (action) heroine.
Communication through connection effortlessly thrives.
Avaz Megaphone is a platform for neurodivergent individuals to express themselves through the written word. We accept opinion pieces, short stories and poetry. Authors of accepted works will receive an honorarium. To make a submission please email us on: collaborate@avazapp.com
WRITTEN BY
Tarun Paul Mathew
Student & Writer
Tarun Paul Mathew is a 20-year-old non-speaking autistic adult from Kochi, India who types to communicate. He is a passionate advocate for the non-speaking autistic community, co-hosts the podcast For What It Tells, and enjoys music, mathematics, and nature. Tarun blogs at tryingtobemetoo.blogspot
He can be reached on Instagram at: happy_maverick_tarun
Listen to his podcast, For What It Tells, on Spotify.
